What is the most vivid memory you have of self harm?
Day 20. Most vivid memory.
Honestly, I remember almost all the time I’ve self harmed. I remember my first time, with a safety pin, I remember using a like shave your legs razor on my legs, saying I was really bad at shaving still. I remember using the first blade. I feel like my worst memory of self harm will forever be the one that happened this past summer. August 31 2013, and no hours in the morning. Me and my friends were having a pretty shitty night. A few heart to hearts with people, one of my friends was hitting on someone and struck out. Then, it led to me talking to one of my friends about how much we hate everyone from our high school, and his frat brother tried to get into the convo, and it ended up with them fighting, and I just couldn’t handle a fight that was my fault. I was extremely inebriated. Anyway, they started fighting, so I walked away, and the guy who butted into the convo followed me shortly after. And things went down hill. We started talking, I don’t remember details, but cuz I was already crying, and drunk, I was thinking of the night before. I only remember my past, and other times I’ve blacked out, when I black out again or get damn near close to a black out. And I had blacked out the night before, and I knew what happened, but I didn’t admit it my self, until I was drunk.
Anyway, I just got this new box cutter, and so as me and my friend talked, I sliced my skin. 2 cuts on my left leg. Deep. But little blood. And then when I was playing with the blade, I got 2 very small insignificant cuts on my hands. Idk, maybe more. I remember one, or maybe two. It was a long time ago. And then as I was talking to my friend, I told him that’s how I cope, and he grabbed the box cutter from my hands. Blade first. Sliced open his hand. Bleed for a good 5 minutes. At least. The next day I was walking around the same area we had been the night before, and there was still blood there… And.. Idk.. I still get queasy and teary eyed thinking of that night. It tears me up inside. Everything that happened. And the person I was with probably doesn’t remember by now. It has been like 3 and a half months…